


I’m nothing special

by Shobiostan



Category: Haikyu, Haikyuu!!
Genre: Boyfriends, Depressed Kageyama Tobio, Depression, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jealous Kageyama Tobio, Love, M/M, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sleepovers, Suicide Attempt, Volleyball, Worried Hinata Shouyou
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:29:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29118285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shobiostan/pseuds/Shobiostan
Summary: Life has a death grip on kageyama tobio and he wanted to find a way to slip through its long and cracked fingers. Until one day he didn’t, one day he fell in love. One day he saw a boy with orange hair.Basically a short kagehina fic. Sorry for grammar mistakes lol.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Kudos: 31





	I’m nothing special

The lines form something stronger than words. The meaning they hold is filled to the brim almost spilling out. The lines that would fade overtime but the memories would stay. Kageyama tobio was a bad memory to nobody but himself. 

When kageyama tobio was 12 years his grandfather died and he forgot what happiness was. He let it slip away before he realized it. The one person who understood him was gone. He didn’t understand why at the time but he began to realize exactly why. He had left, tobios conclusion was that nobody could ever like him. Nobody could tolerate the selfish king.

When kageyama was in his third year of middle school he was benched for the first time. He was left behind by his team, he was exiled. He felt alone more alone then before. He hadn’t understood why nobody tried to talk to him or comfort him. Not once had someone asked if he was okay. Not once had anybody cared. He fell deeper into the hole he had begun digging. It began to cover itself and he had no desire to get out of it. He let the sadness consume him. That summer kageyama tobio had grown tired of himself. He Couldn’t stand to look in the mirror and have to face what was looking back at him. He couldn’t stand the way that no matter how many times the blade danced across his wrist the relief never stayed. He couldn’t stand another day in his head. That summer kageyama tobio stood infront of his bathroom mirror with a blade in his hand and Tears in his eyes. Again and again and again the blade slid across his wrists in a comfortable rhythm. He slid down into the floor surrounded by his blood, in that moment Kageyama didn’t feel regret the only thing he felt was relief that he knew would last. But not everything last forever right?

He had in fact failed at his attempt to escape. Life had a death grip on him and he wanted to slip through its long, cracked fingers. Kageyama had woke up in the hospital surrounded by doctors and his parents in the corner crying looking at him disappointed. Maybe they wanted him to succeed he thought to himself. He will never be enough, he will never be perfect, he had realized that in the moment. He will never be free.

A month later kageyama was starting highschool. Karasuno was the school he had chosen. He hated school, he wasn’t smart and he had no friends. He had no desire to talk to anybody, no desire to do work,no desire to do anything. The one thing he was looking forward to was being able to play with a new team. But It’s not like they would like him anyway, they would probably kick him out. They would probably hate him. That day kageyama tobio had once agian met the short orange haired boy named hinata shoyo. The boy who was so alive it made him feel dead. The boy whom declared to defeat Kageyama one day. The boy who had become kageyamas first friend, his first volleyball partner.

Hinata shoyo understood something Kageyama couldn’t he understood people. Kageyama loathed him for that. 

Everyday was the same to kageyama tobio. He woke up brushed his teeth and went to school. He sat in class, often sleeping and not paying attention. After school he had practice but that was the one thing he looked forward to. He was finally learning how to be a team player, how to trust people again. What he really looked forward to was tho was extra practice with hinata. Nobody ever wanted to practice extra with him, that fact he has found someone willing to felt like fate. The orange hair boy who was always so enthusiastic. The boy who always wore a smile and told jokes, was friends with kageyama tobio. The boy who hated himself, the boy who was angry and sad all the time, the worthless boy. 

A few months after he joined the team, hinata shoyo had asked him the one question he had never heard in his life. It was the middle of practice and they were on a drink break when the question came through breaking the barrier Kageyama had put up.” Are you okay  
Kageyama? “In that moment He swore Time froze, the chatter of his teammates was drowned out by his thoughts. “Why did you even care it’s not like me being okay is beneficial to you dumbass.” That is what kageyama tobio said back to him, but inside he really wanted to break down and cry and have the orange haired boy comfort him. “HUH WHAT DO YOU MEAN ITS NOT BENEFICIAL TO ME, YOU’RE MY SETTER,YOU’RE MY PARTNER MY FRIEND I CARE ABOUT YOU! DONT THINK I DONT NOTICE HOW SAD YOU LOOK ALL THE TIME AND THE WAY YOU ALWAYS ARE TRACING THE CUT MARKS ON YOUR WRIST BECAUSE I DO NOTICE.AND I DO CARE.” Kageyama tobio swore he feel in love right then and there. Suddenly snapping back to reality he realized everybody was staring at them, mouth hanging open, eyes wide like they had just witnessed a murder. In that moment Kageyama also wanted to disappear. He muttered an I don’t feel good before grabbing his stuff and running home. When he arrived his parents weren’t home, it was nothing new ever since the summer they weren’t home a lot they started working more, probably so they didn’t have to see their disappointment of a son. That night kageyama tobio sat in his room listening to music and crying. That night he dreamt about him and the orange haired boy running away and living in a cottage in the middle of nowhere. 

The next day he arrived at school. Fresh lines marking his wrist. That day he sat on the roof staring out into the sky wishing he was somewhere far from reality. He heard the door to the roof open and hinata shoyo stood on the other side. The boy walked up to him and sat down. Hinata has 2 rice balls and some milk boxes. “You don’t have to tell me now but you will tell me soon.” The boy had said to Kageyama. “Why, why do you even care. Why don’t you hate me. It’s not like it matters you’re just gonna leave me any way. Nobody cares and nobody ever will.” Kageyama replied. “You know Kageyama you’re not as lonely as you think. Other people may not care about you but I do and I will always care for you. Kageyama tobio the first time I met you I swear I fell in love. I think it was fate. I think that no matter what I will always care about you even if you don’t care for yourself I will be there to care for you.” Hinata had finished speaking and Kageyama sat there tears flowing down his face not knowing what to say. Hinata shoyo his enemy loved and cared about him. “You can have anyone you want hinata,why would you wanna be with me, I’m nothing special.” Kageyama said to they boy who looked at him eyes wide and smiling. “In my eyes tobio you’re something extra special you’re perfect that is why I wanna be with you.” Kageyama tobio layed his head in the boys lap tears flowing down his face and he felt happy. He told the boy about what happened in the summer. He told the boy about his depression and how nothing ever made it go away no medication or therapy. He told the boy of what happened in middle school, he told the boy he was beautiful.

That night kageyama went home thinking of the boy. Hinata loved him and he loved hinata,but hinata was a boy it just wasn’t right. Kageyama looked at himself in the mirror words running around in his head worthless, dumb, unloveable, mean, ugly, f*g, you deserve to die, nobody could ever like you, you’ll be alone forever, he’s just gonna leave again. That is what the voice in the back of his head muttered to him. He couldn’t escape no matter what he did, the sad feeling in the pit of his stomach never went away. Things were never goin to change. Drip,drip, drip the blood hit the sink flowing into the drain. Relief washed over him the way the water washes Over the sand. He cleaned the cuts and bandaged them. Laying in his bed he fell asleep hoping to not wake up.

The next day was a Saturday but they had a training camp in Tokyo, so kageyama got up packed his bag and left the house. He stopped at a convince store on the way grabbing two teas and some snacks. He knew hinata liked to eat on bus rides. The camp was supposed to last until Tuesday, kageyama was not excited for it, he didn’t talk to anyone from other teams and hinata Seemed more interested in kenma. 

He was sitting next to hinata on the bus playing with a bracelet his grandfather had gave him before he died. The trip there was quiet hinatas head laying on kageyamas shoulder and kageyama feeling relaxed and a little warmer on the inside. When they got there hinata ran straight to kenma, just as kageyama had excepted, I knew he would leave me kageyama thought. They would be playing three practices matches since they had arrived late in the day. They ended up losing two out of the three. During dinner kageyama sat alone in the corner. Well hinata sat across from him chatting with kenma like he wasn’t even there. He shouldn’t be upset at hinata for having other friends but he can’t help it. Deep down he knew that hinata didn’t care he just didn’t wanna admit it to himself. He got up and left to go to sleep.

On the last day of training camp hinata and kageyama had been doing extra practice when kenma asked hinata if he wanted to play video games. Hinata said yes and invited Kageyama along with them. Kageyama didn’t say anything and simply walked out of the gym to the bathroom. Everybody else was still doing practice so it was almost guaranteed that nobody would walk in. He picked the blade out of his bad and did the same motion that began to be imbedded in his brain. His eyes blurred with tears and head with thoughts. Hinata had left him, he had told Kageyama he loved him and then left him. Kageyama felt embarrassed for sharing his feelings he wished he could take it back. He stood in front of the mirror once again and he suddenly heard the door open. He jumped in shocked and threw the blade back in his bag washing his face and covering his wrist but it was to late. Hinata stood behind him crying and looking confused. “Kageyama why, why, why, please stop hurting yourself, I’m here for you please talk to me. I love you, I can’t lose you.please kageyama.” “It’s okay you don’t have to pretend to care anymore hinata I’m fine and I’ve always been fine. I know you don’t love me and that’s okay. Now go hang out with kenma I mean he’s so much better than me right. Hes not sad or angry all the time, he doesn’t hurt himself he’s so much better than me.” Kageyama felt hands wrap around him and he froze at the unfamiliar feeling.he could feel a lump forming in his throat and the tears streaming even faster. “Shut up you idiot, nobody’s better than you and I mean it, you’re beautiful and amazing at volleyball and no matter how sad or angry you are I still love you. I can tell you don’t like yourself and it hurts me so much Kageyama I want you to love yourself the way I love you. Nobody will ever be better than you and you better believe it. Now promise me promise me you’ll never leave me no matter what because if you do I won’t be able to go on.” “I promise.” Kageyama replied. “Do you mean it?” Hinata asked him. “Yes” “I really am in love with you and I always will be no matter how sad or angry you are.” Kageyama was released from the smaller boys grip and he looked down staring into the other boys eyes and leaned down inching closer to the boys face. Their lips met and Kageyama felt happiness once again he felt relief. “I’m glad you came into my life shoyo, you made me know what it feels like to have a friend, to feel happy, you made me know what it’s like to love someone.” “Yeah don’t call me you’re friend after we kissed tobio.” Kageyama laughed and hugged the smaller boy once again. Kageyama had learned to be happy during his lifetime.

*TIMESKIP 6 years later doesn’t follow manga.” 

Kageyama shoyo and kageyama tobio were married. Kageyama remember all those years ago when the lines were fresh, and the loneliness lingered. He was happy now and feeling alive. He hadn’t cut ever since that day at camp but he sometimes had urges but he called and talked to hinata. They would stay up all night taking to each other and Kageyama felt important. He had learned to love himself and feel happy. He and hinata still played volleyball but they had taken an off season to get married and spend time Together. They were currently living In A cottage surrounded by tall trees, beautiful flowers and a lake that held the most beautiful fish. Hinata and kageyama sat on their porch rocking on the swing that yachi had got them at their wedding looking into the field and holding eachother. “I love you shoyo.” Kageyama had said to hinata as they say there. “I love you too tobio.”


End file.
